Remember Me
by goldistic
Summary: Matthew Casey was killed in the line of duty while saving an infant's life. His death was sudden, untimely, and heartbreaking. But the people around him must now figure out how to get through this tragedy and on with their lives, even if it sounds impossible. Alternate ending to 2x10, "Not Like This". Chapter 5 is now up!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I just want to say that I am a huge Matthew Casey fan, and I ship Dawsey very hard as well as Sevasey. So, writing this story will probably be quite depressing to write. But I have had this idea in my head ever since "Not Like This" aired, and I wondered what would have happened if Casey actually died. So, here is my attempt at writing an alternate ending for Casey's injury. Please read and review! :)**

**Gabby's POV:**

I pace in front of the building, tears starting to pool in my eyes as I watch the rest of the guys go in for Matt. I could hear his PASS alarm over the roaring flames, the creaking structure, and the shouting of our colleagues. He wasn't moving. Wherever he was in there, he wasn't moving. And if he wasn't moving, he could either be unconscious or…

_No.,_ I think to myself. _Don't think like that. Matt is strong. He'll get through this. He's been injured before._ My thoughts don't ease my worries one bit, and I move my eyes away from the burning building, afraid to see what would come out of it. Then I hear shouting, and it forces my gaze back to the structure. I see Matt hobble out, blood clearly visible in his mask, with his arms wrapped securely around a baby.

"Oh God," I breathe, the words flowing out of my mouth carelessly as I run over to him. He was out of it, that much was obvious. I carefully take the baby from his arms and hand her over to another paramedic of another ambulance. When I look back down at Matt, he's on the ground, definitely unconscious now. My tears flow down my cheeks and I attempt to wipe them away with the sleeve of my turnout jacket. The guys are surrounding us now, helping anyway they can.

Mills and Severide work on getting his mask off, and that's when the blood on his face becomes completely visible. I move my eyes away for just a second, unable to look at my battered and bloody boyfriend's face. "Come on bud," Severide says, lifting Casey on the backboard with the help of the rest of the guys. "Come on, one, two, three, go." They lift him onto the gurney and they start running for the ambulance, and I follow them on their heels. Once Casey is in, I jump in as well with Severide right behind me. The ambulance takes off, and I immediately start to work on Casey.

"Help me take his jacket off," I manage to tell Severide through my tears. He and I take Casey's turnout jacket off and drop it to the side. I get the scissors and cut through his Lieutenant shirt, his body starting to convulse. I struggle putting his oxygen mask on, my emotions and worries really starting to catch up to me. "Come on, Matt!" I shout helplessly, noticing that Severide's emotions were also starting to get to him. "Not like this Matt, not like this!" My lip starts to quiver and Kelly looks over at me, his worries for Matt obvious in his expression.

Only a few seconds later does the ambulance stop, and our doors are ripped open by nurses who have been expecting us. Severide and I help them push the gurney out of the ambulance and inside the hospital, and I tell the doctors about Matt's condition the best I can without sobs breaking up my words. When the time comes to separate away from Matt, at first I don't want to leave, and I stay by his side, clinging onto his hand. The doctor gives me a stern, yet slightly sympathetic look, and I reluctantly let go of Matt's hand.

As I watch them rush Matt down the hallway, I am no longer able to control my emotions. I cover my mouth with my hand and start to sob, trying to get Matt's broken image out of my mind. Shay comes over to me and wraps her arm around my shoulder, and I helplessly collapse into her body, staining her paramedic jacket with my tears. She doesn't say anything, and I'm thankful for that. I don't want anybody to promise me that he's going to be okay, because they don't know that for sure.

**Severide's POV:**

I slowly take my turnout jacket off and put it in the chair beside me, leaning forward in my chair. I rest my elbows on my knees and place my head in my hands, a million thoughts running through my mind. Matthew Casey, my best friend, _my brother,_ could have spent his last day on this planet. We have had conflicts in the past, yes, but at the end of day, I have his back and he has mine. He was the first person I went to when I decided to move to Madrid, and hoped he would talk me out of it. But being the good, understanding person he is, he supported my decision. I shake my head just remembering that night, and wipe at the tear falling down my cheek.

"Come on, Matt," I mumble softly to myself. "You gotta get through this. You can't go out, not right now, not like this." I wipe at another tear and lift my head up, scanning the room. Dawson and Shay were hugging at the end of the hallway, still in the ER, with Dawson sobbing uncontrollably into Shay's shoulder. I lean my head against the wall and remember when Matt told me about his relationship with Gabby.

* * *

_"Hey man, thought I'd find you here," Casey tells me, smiling as he sits down in the chair next to mine. I smile back at him and nod, sipping my beer._

_"You thought right," I say, nodding and turning my body to face his. "So what brings you to Molly's on a Thursday night?"_

_"Well, I was hoping I'd catch you here, actually." He says, waving Otis over to order a beer for himself. Otis hands him his beer, and Matt thanks him before making sure he's out of earshot._

_"What's going on, Casey?" I ask, slightly concerned and curious._

_"Nothing is wrong," he assures me, smiling a little for extra reassurance. "I just want to tell you something, and I don't want anybody else knowing yet."_

_"Alright," I nod, smiling a little also. "What is it?" I watch as he smiles once again, unable to get it off his lips as he sips his beer. "Come on man, what is it?" I chuckle, shaking my head at him._

_"Gabby and I...we're dating now." He says, quietly enough so only I can hear. My face breaks out into a smile, and so does his._

_"I knew it!" I yell happily. "I knew you and Dawson would find your way together eventually. I'm happy for you, man. I really am. You seem happy."_

_"I am happy," he says confidently, smiling as he nods. "I really am. She makes me feel...so good, I mean I guess I can't really explain it. But I didn't even get this feeling when I was with Hallie, and we were together for a long time."_

_I nod, listening to him as I smile and sip my beer. "I'm glad you're finally happy again. I know you've gone through a lot of shit this past year, and I wasn't always there, but I'm here now. Whatever you need."_

_"Thanks, Kelly." He says, giving me a sincere smile. "I appreciate that, and you know I'm here for you too, right?"_

_"Yeah," I smile, nodding at him. "We're brothers, nothing is going to change that."_

_"You got that right," he says, smiling and holding up his beer a little. I clink my bottle with his, and smile as we both take our drinks._

* * *

It seemed as if I held that conversation with him an hour ago, but in reality, it was almost a month ago now. I sigh deeply and close my eyes, trying to calm my worries. But the last image I had of him was in the ambulance, and at that point he was looking anything but good.

"Mind if I sit here?" A husky and deep voice asks, and I open my eyes to see Chief standing in front of me, pointing to the chair with my turnout jacket. I nod somberly and pick up my jacket, putting it on the floor in front of me as Boden sits next to me. I notice for the first time that the waiting room was now completely full of the guys from the firehouse, and Gabby had also joined us, leaning her body up against a wall, in deep thought. Shay was nowhere to be found, so I assumed she was trying to get an update on the baby or Casey's condition.

I look over the face's and expressions of the guys, and I'm anything but surprised when I see that they're all stained with worry and fear. I spot Hermann with his hands crossed, mumbling something softly. I then realize he's praying, and look away, a bit shocked. He had never been a man to talk about religion, or God, and sometimes even criticized Christianity mildly. I turn my attention to Cruz, Mills, and Mouch, and notice that they're all sitting and staring in disbelief.

I can understand their reluctance to accept the situation. Casey has always seemed invincible. Last year he jumped out of a window, and somehow, by some miracle, had managed to grab onto the ladder. I remember pulling him up and out of danger, and close my eyes again as I lean my head against the wall. Another time last year he had a ceiling collapse on him, and was caught on fire. Cruz had luckily pushed him out of the window and the Engine guys put the fire out, and Casey escaped the scene with nothing but a small, mild burn. And then this year, while crawling on a ladder from one building to the next, he escaped another dangerous situation. The ladder between the two windows had given out, and the ladder fell to the ground beneath him. He thought fast, and gripped the hose he had been carrying, and hung from the window while Mills and I helped him back up.

But his luck had run out. All of those close calls he had barely mattered now. All we could hope for now, was just a little more luck.

**Gabby's POV:**

I lean my head against the back of the wall as yet another minute goes by. Antonio had just left with Clarke in tow, and Shay had already informed us on the baby's condition. I'm definitely happy that the baby is alright, but my worries for Matt were steadily increasing, and all I wanted was news on what was going on. The waiting room has been silent, except for Mills' speech about being a firefighter and a couple of coughs and sniffles.

"Gabriela, why don't you sit down for a little while? It might help." Chief suggests, standing up and walking towards me. I shake my head and wipe a tear away from my cheek, meeting his eyes.

"No, but thanks Chief. I think I'll stand." There were a few empty chairs, but right now, I can't imagine sitting in one. He nods at me, gives me a gentle and reassuring squeeze of my shoulder, then goes back to his seat next to Kelly.

"Who here is closest to Matthew Casey?" A red headed doctor asks, stepping into the room. I stand up straight, tears clouding my vision, as I anticipate the worst.

"You may speak to all of us." Chief says, standing up, along with the rest of the guys and Shay.

"I'm sorry, but I need to speak to whoever he is closest with." The doctor says sadly, and from my past work at the hospital, I know what this means.

"Kelly, you go. You're his best friend." Chief says, putting his hand on Severide's shoulder. Severide shakes his head, tears rolling down his face, and looks over at me.

"No, Gabby needs to go. They were together." Severide chokes out, and tears also start to roll down my face. He, too, knows what this means.

"Alright, Gabriela, follow me." The doctor says, giving the guys and Shay a sad look before walking to the end of the hallway. Most of the guys still don't know for sure what is happening, but they can sense the worst is coming. I follow the doctor down the hallway, trying to catch my tears as they come down my face. The doctor turns to me, giving me a torturing, somber look. "He had an epidural hematoma, and we tried to operate on him, but the bleed was too much. He passed at ten eighteen tonight. I am so sorry for your loss, Gabriela. We tried our very best to save him. We really did."

There it was. My worst fears, coming true. The doctor rests her hand on my shoulder for comfort, but I back away until my back hits the wall. I slide down until my body makes contact with the floor, and start to sob. This can't be happening, not after we just started our life together as an official couple. I never got to tell him how I felt, how I truly felt towards him. I bury my head in my hands and let myself cry like I've never cried before. I can hear some of the guys cry from the other end of the hallway, and assume they had been watching my conversation with the doctor, looking at my reaction for their answer.

It felt like a billion punches to my heart all at once. It suddenly felt like I had been living in a colored world my whole life, and it suddenly switched to black and white. Nothing is clear anymore. Matt is gone, he's gone and I'll never be able to see that smile cross his face ever again. I'll never be able to kiss his lips again, just like I'll never be able to feel his skin against mine. I'll never wake up in bed next to him, and I won't ever catch him gazing at me lovingly at the firehouse again.

Nothing makes sense. This isn't fair. My last conversation with him was rough, and the guilt of our fight was eating me from the inside out, and only added to the pain. He was so young...he had so much ahead of him….he had so much to live for. This isn't the way things were supposed to happen. We were supposed to have a long and happy relationship, with perhaps a marriage and children in the future.

I continue to sob uncontrollably in my hands, longing for Matt's comfort. Somebody wraps an arm around my shoulder, and I don't look to see who it is, I just imagine it's Matt next to me. I lean into his body, and pretend it's his lips that press down on my head.

"Shh, it's okay Gabby." Shay's weak and stuttering voice soothes, pulling me out of my imagination. The realization of it all suddenly hits me hard, and I cry even harder into Shay. I hear her cry as well, but she tries her best to compose herself as much as she can, for my sake.

I wish over and over in my head for this to just be a dream. "Please, Shay, please wake me up from this nightmare." I cry, my body shaking violently from my sobs. She continues to soothe me as best as she can, but I can notice the pain in her voice. This can't be happening. Matt is...dead. The thought of it only fuels my emotions further, and I hold onto Shay like she's the only thing I have left in this world.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here it is, the second chapter. I already ranted about "When Things Got Rough" in my other Chicago Fire story, "Revenge", so I won't do it again here. But I must say, it was one hell of an episode. Anyway, I appreciate the reviews I got on the first chapter of this story, it means the world to me when I get positive feedback. I understand that this story is quite emotional, and I am very sorry for that, but it's also hard to write. Just the thought of Casey dying puts me in a depressed mood. But also, as a writer, I'm glad I can create such powerful emotions in my readers. Thank you again, and please review! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Shay and Severide's apartment:**

**Gabby's POV:**

I lay motionless on Shay and Severide's couch, staring up at the ceiling with my eyes puffy and red, irritated by all of the tears and rubbing of my fingers. I couldn't get him out of my head. It had been five hours since we all found out, and I spent two of those hours in the hospital hallway, sobbing into Shay brutally. When Shay suggested I come back to her place with Kelly, I didn't object. I didn't have the energy to argue. And Matt and I had spent a lot of time at my place….and I knew I was in no condition to relive those memories we made. But, just like that, I remember the time he fixed my window, and suddenly I can't escape the memory.

* * *

_"Cute enough?" Matt asks, smiling as he sips the beer I had just handed to him._

_"It's perfect," I tell him, smiling as I look at the window he just finished putting in. "I love it. Even the view is better." He smiles at me before hearing the pasta sauce sizzle, and he points over to the stove._

_"Uh…" He trails off._

_"Oh, God," I exclaim, rushing over to the stove to turn the temperature down and mix up the sauce. As I do, he walks around in the kitchen, landing his eyes on my board of pictures._

_"Who've you got here?" He asks, looking at the pictures appreciatively before looking back over at me._

_"Oh," I say, walking over to him and showing him the pictures. "That is my niece Maria, she just started ballet classes and she is so adorable. The one next to her, that's Antonio's brainiac son, Diego, I don't know where he gets it from." I smile as he chuckles at my words before continuing. "The twins, Freddy and Carla…" I trail off when he points to the picture underneath them, his finger landing on Mills._

_"You his Aunt, too?" He jokes, smiling only slightly at me._

_"Yeah, we hang out sometimes," I admit, smiling._

_"Oh yeah?"_

_"Well he knows all the best Thai restaurants in the city," I tell him, walking back over to the stove, but not before noticing a slightly jealous expression on Matt's face._

_"Really?" He asks, trying his best to sound interested. His smile is gone now, and looks at the picture one more time before turning back to me._

_"Here, try this," I tell him, smiling as I hold up my mixing spoon containing a small amount of the pasta sauce. "Careful, it's a little spicy." I warn, holding my hand underneath the spoon in case the sauce decides to drip._

_"I can take it," He assures me, smiling a little as he leans down to taste the sauce. Once he pulls away from the spoon, I wipe a small bit of sauce off his lower lip with my thumb that hadn't made it into his mouth. "Oh my God," He says, nodding and smiling again._

_"Yeah? You like it?" I ask, returning his smile as I put the spoon back into the pan._

_"It is phenomenal," He tells me, nodding eagerly with that same smile still plastered onto his face. We both share a small laugh as I thank him and put the sauce back onto the stove. "Hey," he suddenly says, taking his phone out of his back pocket. "Let's take a picture for your wall of fame."_

_"Okay," I agree, smiling a bit nervously as I shift myself closer to him, my heart beating quicker as he wraps his arm around my waist. He holds his phone in the right angle to take a picture, then looks down at me one more time before taking it._

_"Ready?" He asks, smiling at me and I suddenly feel my knees go weak._

_"Ready," I tell him, laughing nervously and turning my head towards his phone._

_"You sure?" He asks again, his smile growing wider as his eyes continue to train on me._

_"Yeah," I assure him, although my tone wasn't too convincing. He chuckles at me as he holds his phone, turning his head towards it. I look up at him out of the corner of my eye and smile slightly, taking in his presence._

_"Three, two, one…" His voice trails off and we both smile at his phone camera as he takes the picture. We look at how the picture turns out for a second, adoring how well it looked. My eyes travel to his, and not a moment later does his gaze meet mine. We hold it for what has to be almost twenty seconds, his face nearing mine slowly but surely. I'm breathing a bit heavier now, the close proximity of our bodies exciting but nerve wracking. I can feel his hot breath on my skin, and it feels too good to be true. And it is. His phone vibrates in his hand, and just like that his eyes snap away from my lips and back onto his phone. I study his expression, trying to find out if he was relieved or disappointed by his text message. He reads it, then takes a small breath before looking back at me. "I gotta go," he tells me, and his voice sounded somewhat urgent._

_Trying to hide the disappoint in my voice, I nod a little. "Okay, what's up?" He puts his phone back away and picks up his coat, looking back at me._

_"Vargas," he explains, frowning a little before walking out the door. I watch him go as I place my hands on the counter, already missing him standing next to me with his arm around my waist. I missed his hot breath on my skin, and I missed watching him gaze at my lips with lust._

* * *

My lips start to quiver again as I move my body and face the back of the couch, squinting my eyes shut as if it would stop the tears from falling. "Matt…" I cry, my voice breaking into sobs. I can't stop them now, and my tears fall out of me as if there were an endless supply of them. I wanted nothing more than to feel Matt's arms around me as he whispers sweet compliments into my ear. I wanted to see him smiling down at me with nothing but love in his eyes.

Why did he have to go so soon? This isn't fair...what did I do to deserve this? Is this what I get for getting mad at him for giving me brutally honest advice?

I hear somebody walk down the stairs, and don't bother to look to see who it is, because at this point, I couldn't care less. The only person I want to see is Matt. The only voice I want to hear is Matt's.

I feel somebody sit on the edge of the couch and rub my back for comfort, and I recognize the gentle touch of Shay. This is the third time tonight since we arrived that she has had to come downstairs to comfort me, and I feel guilty for making her stay up, if she would have fallen asleep anyway.

"He's gone, Shay," I manage to let out, shaking my head as I let myself sob some more. "I can't talk to him anymore, I can't kiss him again, I can't ever see his face again." She leans down and hugs me tightly as I cry, and I don't stop until the sun comes up.

**Severide's POV:**

I hadn't gotten one second of sleep all night. I had listened to Dawson's cries from downstairs and Shay's muffled sobs from the room next to mine. All night I had thought about Matt, about the times we shared together, the laughs we weren't able to contain, the inside jokes we shared, and the unspoken trust and respect we had for each other. Tears had rolled down my cheeks endlessly as I lay flat on my back with my eyes trained on the ceiling. I had gone through similar pain, when Andy died, but I don't think even his death made me this dumbfounded.

Matt was supposed to be one of those guys who would always be there. Who would always come running out of a burning building with a child in his arms. Who would have your back no matter what, and who would always be there for support if you needed him.

He was selfless. He always put other's needs before his own. He was able to get one final save in, but that was the only light one could possible find in this dark situation. His time wasn't supposed to be up on this earth. He was supposed to grow old and have a family, most likely with Dawson. He was supposed to be the best damn uncle to Diego and Eva. He was supposed to be my best man whenever the hell I decided to get married.

I roll over on my side and stare at the wall, not bothering to wipe at the tears still rolling down my face.

* * *

_"Hey, Casey, I've been looking around for you for the past hour and a half, where have you been?" I ask as I almost run straight into him rounding the corner into the common room._

_"Um...I had some paperwork to do in my office," he mumbles, scratching the back of his head innocently._

_"I checked your office three times, man." I say, looking at him curiously._

_"Well maybe you didn't look hard enough." He tells me, shrugging a little as he sips the coffee from his mug._

_"What the hell were you doing, completing your paperwork under the bed or something?" I ask, managing a small chuckle._

_"Yeah, yeah, whatever sounds best to you." He laughs, nodding. "Anyway, what did you need me for?"_

_I begin to walk with him down the hallway, making sure nobody was around. "Well, I just wanted to see how things between you and Dawson were going, you haven't talked about her since that night at Molly's."_

_He also looks around before answering. "Things are great," He replies, smiling brightly as he nods. "Why do you ask?"_

_"Well I rescued this guy from a bad car wreck last shift, and yesterday he stopped by the apartment to thank me. He gave me two tickets for a wine tasting, and since that's sort of a couple's thing, and I'm single, I was thinking of giving the tickets to you and Dawson. You deserve to get out for a weekend, spent time to yourselves." I tell him, pulling out the tickets from my jacket and handing them to him. He looks at me in awe for a second, before he smiles and shakes his head._

_"No way man, I can't take these. You were the one who rescued him, you deserve these tickets. Bring Shay with you or something." He says, trying to hand me the tickets again._

_"No, Casey, take them." I tell him, refusing to take the tickets from his hand. "Besides, I hate wine."_

_"Are you sure?" He asks seriously, raising his eyebrows._

_"Yes, I'm sure." I nod, smiling. He smiles back and puts the tickets in his jacket before clapping my shoulder with his hand._

_"Thanks, man, I appreciate it and I'm sure Dawson will, too." He says, smiling._

_"No problem," I assure him, shaking my head. "But really, where were you hiding for an hour and a half?"_

_His face breaks out into another smile, and looks around the room again before answering. "Dawson and I...we had to make sure the gurney in the ambulance was sturdy." He says, the smile plastered onto his face, unmoving._

_"Whoa, dude, too much information." I laugh, backing away and giving him a playful shake of my head._

_"Hey, you asked," He laughs, shaking his head back at me as he claps my shoulder one more time before walking away._

* * *

My lip starts to quiver as I remember our conversation just a week ago, and try my best to hold back a sob, but fail. It breaks out of me, and all of a sudden, they just keep coming like they had just been set free.

The wine tasting he was supposed to go to with Dawson was this weekend, only a few days away. The fact that he won't be able to go to that with the woman he so dearly loved hits me hard, and adds onto the already so heavy pain.

Some people might think that he's reuniting with Hallie wherever he is right now. That may be true, but I think what he's really doing is watching over Dawson, and waiting patiently for her to join him. When Matt was with Hallie, he never acted as happy and in love as he did when he was with Dawson. And for the people who got to see them together, they would also understand that.

**Up Next: Some more reactions of Matt's death from other people in the house. This includes: Mills, Shay, Boden, and Hermann, for now.  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I've changed my mind and decided to make this chapter about Antonio, Mills, and Boden. Tell me who you want to see next chapter reacting to Matt's death, and I'll most likely follow through with your ideas. Just a reminder, this takes place before Mills joined Squad. I hope you like this update, and thank you for all of the feedback, I appreciate it very much. :)**

**Guest: Thank you so much for your compliments, first of all. :) Second of all, I read your story idea and I think it's a very good idea, and it would definitely make a good and interesting story. I'm going to consider writing it, but I'm not going to make any promises yet.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Mills' house, his POV:**

I slowly open my eyes to greet the day, sighing deeply as I sit up. I stand up and pull on a pair of sweatpants, when the events of last night come rushing back to me. I close my eyes and sit back on the edge of my bed, hanging my head down low.

My Lieutenant, my role model, my friend, a hero, and possibly the most sincere man I have ever met, has died saving a baby from a burning building. It doesn't seem fair, but I also know that if Casey had known beforehand that he would die saving that baby, he wouldn't have changed a thing. That was what he signed up for when he took this job. That's what we all of signed up for.

He was the one who helped me remember the reason why I wanted this job. While we waited for news on his condition in the waiting room, I was suddenly reminded of the reason why people do this job. To help people, to put their needs before your own, even if that means making the ultimate sacrifice.

And that's what Lieutenant Matthew Casey did.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to hold my emotions back, but a few tears escape from underneath my eyelids anyway.

What I wouldn't give to have Casey back. I've never wanted him to tell me to clean the showers so badly before.

He taught me so many things in the short year and a half that I knew him. He reminded me that it doesn't matter what company we work with, we're saving lives either way. He taught me how to be a good firefighter, and how to push past tough losses on the job.

I regret now more than ever that I once directed hostility towards him. He never deserved that. I was jealous of his close friendship with Gabby, and I had been immature about it. Oh, how I wanted that time back.

A knock on my door interrupts my thoughts. I stand up, clear my throat, throw on a loose-hanging t-shirt, and wipe away my tears before walking to my door. I open it to see my mother standing on the other side, with a bright smile and a tray of cookies. She notices my irritated eyes and solemn expression, and her cheerful expression suddenly gets plastered over by concern.

"Peter? What's wrong?" She asks worriedly as I step aside so she can come in. She puts down her purse and cookies on the table before turning to me as I close the door.

I squint my eyes shut and shake my head, trying to prevent more tears from escaping my eyes. "Lieutenant Matthew Casey died in a fire last night," I stutter out, tears now spilling down my face. I hear my mother gasp before walking towards me, giving me a tight hug. I accept her embrace, and allow myself to cry into her shoulder.

* * *

_I step into my mother's diner with most of the guys from the firehouse in tow, all joking and laughing happily. My mother looks at me curiously, but smiles at the men nonetheless._

_"Mom, I'd like to introduce you to Christopher Hermann, Otis, Squad Lieutenant Kelly Severide, Leslie Shay, Gabriela Dawson, Mouch, Joe Cruz, and my Lieutenant, Matthew Casey." I motion towards the person as I say their name, smiling happily. The men all greet my mother and give her a compliment about the diner, then go take a seat. Casey is the last person to talk to my mom, and she pulls him aside._

_"So your Peter's Lieutenant?" My mother asks him, as I pretend not to pay any attention to their conversation from a few feet away._

_"Yes I am, and you should be really proud of him. He's going to make a great firefighter." Casey tells her, smiling warmly._

_"I'm glad to hear that, I really am, but I worry about him so much-"_

_"Don't worry," Casey promises, cutting her off politely. "I'll look after him and make sure he doesn't get into any trouble."_

_"Thank you so much, Lieutenant." My mother says, smiling as she gives him a small hug._

_"No problem, and call me Matt." He smiles, returning the hug._

* * *

It seems like it was yesterday we all walked into that diner, without a care in the world, just happy to have each other's backs. But so much has changed since then. The diner burnt down, for one, and we are now missing one great friend.

"He was a great person, Peter, and he'll always be with us," My mother says, rubbing my back as an attempt to comfort me. I can hear the slight strain in her voice, as if trying to hold back her own cries.

I don't answer her because I can't find any words. And if I could find something to say, I don't know how I'd ever manage to get it out clearly.

The pain of losing not only a fellow firefighter, but also a great friend, is different from the pain of losing my father. When I lost my father, I was struck with grief and a high amount of unbearable pain. But with Casey, I'm still somewhat in denial. Last night after Boden told us to go home, I kept telling myself that I'll see Casey next shift. He'll tell me to sweep or clean the toilets, and I'll mentally complain to myself about it. I'll notice that Casey and Dawson are both missing for quite some time, and then suddenly reappear at the same time.

But deep down I know that Casey isn't coming back to the firehouse. I'll have to attend his funeral with full honors in a few days, then eventually go back to work with a different Lieutenant telling me what to do. Nobody will ever act the same after this. Hermann will suddenly have a shortage of jokes, Otis will be prankless, and Dawson will have nobody to sneak glances at.

I used to be upset that Dawson chose Casey over me. But I could see what she saw in him. His confidence, his leadership, his cool head, his sincerity and also his fun and humorous side. He was a great person, and I would give anything to watch him crack just one more smile at one of Hermann's inappropriate yet amusing jokes.

**Firehouse 51, Boden's POV:**

I get out of my SUV and stand in front of the firehouse. So much has changed since yesterday at this time. The flag had been put to half-staff and a big poster now hung on the station's sign. It read:

_Remembering Lieutenant Matthew Casey, a hero gone too soon._

_"Firemen never die, they just burn forever in the hearts of the people whose lives they saved." ~Susan Diane Murphree_

Reading the words make my body go numb. Maybe if I had ordered him to leave the baby, he would still be alive. _No, _I think to myself. _I can't think like that. Matt would have saved the baby even if I threatened to take away his job. _And I know he would have. That's just the kind of person he was. When Mills and I were buried under a ton of concrete and I ordered everybody to evacuate the area, Casey had been the one to speak up and tell his men that they still had a job to do, and it ultimately saved the life of Mills and I.

I walk into the firehouse with a slow and sad stride, expecting Casey to walk around a corner and greet me with a wide smile and ask how my day was just as he did every shift. It was one of the many things I would miss from him.

But he wasn't here. He won't ever be here again. The young blonde Lieutenant with a contagious smile has made his final courageous save.

After the news of his death last night, I told everybody to go home and finish their shift early. I redirected all calls to a different firehouse and went home myself. However, I got no sleep. I didn't even try, I knew it would hopeless. Memories of Casey occupied my mind the entire night, and as I walk through the firehouse now, only more resurface.

For as long as I've known him, he's had my back. He's been not only a good leader to his men, but he's also been one hell of a friend to me and everybody in the house. And when McLeod tried to take us down, he supported me no matter what my decision.

* * *

_I hear my door open, and turn my head to see Casey coming in. "Hey Chief, you wanted to see me?" He closes the door behind him and walks over to me._

_"Yeah Matt, um, McLeod is coming over later for a walkthrough and some final logistics and uh, well I'd like to think I took the high road on this one but right now I'm not so sure," I tell him honestly, sighing softly._

_"I'll handle it," Casey assures me, nodding. He gently claps my shoulder before turning to walk out the door._

_"It's my fault," I admit to him before he can get to the door, my head looking downwards in shame. He turns to look at me, and I can see it in his eyes that he thinks different. "I let this woman get under my skin," I continue matter-of-factly. "And I thought I could out-muscle her. I keep playing it back in my mind, and if I just kept my mouth shut-"_

_"Chief," He says boldly, walking towards me again and putting his hand on my shoulder. "The only thing you did was stand up for the firefighters in your house, the same thing you've been doing since you put on those pupils. This isn't over." I study his expression, and it's obvious by looking into his eyes that he means what he said._

_He gives me a tight smile before leaving, and I watch him go with pride. He was quite possibly the smartest man in this house, and didn't give up without a fight. He reminded me so much of myself in so many ways._

_Later that day the whole house meets up in the briefing room to receive their new assignments. I stand in the back of the room, anger and regret filling up most of my emotions. Casey and Severide come in a few seconds late, but looked as if they just got out of a serious conversation._

_"These are our new firehouse assignments starting next shift," Mouch begins from the front of the room, reading from a paper he had in his hands. "Some of you will be floating before given a permanent home, for others, this is it." He pauses, reading the paper, and then opens his mouth to speak before closing it again. He sighs deeply before crinkling up the paper in his hands and tossing it to the side. And with a sudden urgency in his tone, he says, "One thing I learned from my campaign is that I should have fought til the end, I regret that I didn't put my foot on Sullivan's throat when I had the chance."_

_"Mouch is right," Casey suddenly says from the corner of the room, walking forward. "We still have twenty-four hours. What'd they say at the academy? One shift can change someone's life? Let's change ours." Once again, I'm struck by how determined Casey is, and his willingness to fight for something he wants._

_"We rally the troops, reach out to everyone we know," Severide agrees, nodding._

_"We go after McLeod," Casey continues, nodding. The bell goes off before the conversation can go any further, and everybody shuffles off to their respective vehicles._

* * *

I sigh deeply as I enter the briefing room, shaking my head. It had to have been only a day since Casey led that rally. If he didn't, who knows what would have happened. Mills might've not of thought to bring Isabella into the picture, and if he didn't, that means Firehouse 51 would be forever shut down.

I stand in the front of the room and look at the desks and chairs. I look over at Casey's usual seat and sigh again, missing his attentive face while I talked.

"You didn't deserve to go out," I say out loud into the empty room, shaking my head. "You were one hell of a Lieutenant and an even better friend." I imagine Casey in his seat, smiling at one of Hermann's side comments or taking a quick glance at Dawson. I straighten my posture, trying hard to be a leader and keep my emotions inside.

The door opens at the same time a tear escapes my eye, and I quickly wipe it away and turn to the door. Antonio was standing there with a somewhat confused face.

"Hey Chief," He greets, walking in the room a ways. "Where is everybody? I came by to update everybody on Clarke's status." I sigh softly, knowing he must have missed the sign outside.

"Antonio, there is something you need to know." I say, looking down at my feet before lifting my head up again.

"Is Gabs alright?" He asks worriedly.

"Physically, yes." I answer, nodding slightly. "But mentally, I'm sure she's a wreck."

"You're starting to scare me," Antonio says, walking further in the room. "What happened?" I look at his concerned expression, and swallow before telling him.

"As you know, Casey was badly injured in a fire last night. I'm sad to say that he didn't survive." I purse my lips and look down, the words sounding horrible and uncomfortable to say.

"Oh my God," Antonio says, running his hand through his hair. "I was sure that he'd be fine, I convinced myself of it as a matter of fact. This doesn't seem real, Matt? No, no, no, he can't be gone, not just like that." He shakes his head and paces the room, mumbling other incoherent stuff to himself.

"I'm sorry, Antonio," I say, swallowing again to keep my own emotions in check. "I really hate to say it, but he's really gone."

"But he survived Voight, why wasn't he able to survive this?" Antonio asks, more to himself than to me. "He and Gabs just got together not too long ago, oh my God, Gabby must be a wreck." He runs his hands through his hair before swiftly walking out of the room.

I watch him leave, another tear rolling down my face. And then another one. I wipe them away with my thumb, shaking my head. This doesn't seem real. This doesn't seem real at all.

With all of my years on the job, I've expected to lose people. I would actually warn myself to not get too close with people because they could be gone in an instant. But there had always been something about Matthew Casey that let you know he was going to hang around. His personality had been so_ perfect_, that you would just assume God wanted to keep him around for a long time.

But I guess it's true. Good people really do die young. It isn't fair, but that's how it is.

I take a deep breath and leave the room, and do what I came here to do. I walk into my office and close the door behind me. I sit down in my chair and pick up the phone, dialing the same number I dialed almost a year and a half ago for Andy Darden's death.

"Hello, yes, this is Chief Wallace Boden from Firehouse Fifty-One. I'm calling because I need to organize a firefighter's funeral with full honors. The hero's name is Lieutenant Matthew Casey."

**Shay and Severide's apartment, Antonio's POV:**

I jog up the stairs of the apartment building, eager to see my sister. After leaving the firehouse, I had driven to her place, but found it empty. I had taken out my phone to call Matt to ask if he was with her, but then I remembered. I had stared at my phone for what had to be five minutes, the reality of the situation still waiting to be accepted by my mind. I definitely shed tears, quite a bit, knowing deep down that my great friend and sister's boyfriend is really gone.

I had then called Shay, Gabby's best friend, and she had answered on the second ring and assured me that Gabby was with her. I sped over to their place, and now I'm here, standing in front of their door.

Tears were still filling my eyes and I know I have to let them out at some point, but not now. I have to be strong for Gabby. If she sees me just as weak as her, then I won't be doing a very good job at comforting her.

Through the door, I could hear muffled cries and my heart breaks for the second time today. I knock on the door and hold back my tears, hoping they aren't as noticeable as I imagine they are. Shay opens the door looking very exhausted. Her eyes are red and irritated, and her hair is down and looking like it needed a good brushing. But I can't blame her. She not only had my sister under her wing for the whole night, but she also lost a friend. We all did.

"You can come on in, Gabby's laying on the couch." She says, her voice cracking as she steps aside.

"Thanks," I say softly, stepping inside. "How is she?"

"Broken," She answers simply, closing the door behind me. "She's heartbroken."

"As expected," I say sadly, nodding a little. "How are you and Kelly holding up?"

"Severide has been upstairs ever since we got home last night, and I would check on him but he doesn't answer when I call his name or knock on his door. His door is also locked, so I have no idea how he's doing." She sighs as she runs her hand through her hair. "And I'm just trying to stay strong. For Gabby." She swallows, trying to hold back her tears. I nod solemnly at her, thankful my sister has her for a friend. I walk in the living room and see Gabby laying on her stomach on the couch, crying into a pillow.

"Hey Gabs, I'm going to take you home with me, alright? Maybe the kids will help cheer you up." I say softly, sitting on the edge of the couch and lightly touching her shoulder.

"Antonio," She cries, sitting up once she realizes I'm here. She wraps her arms around me and I hold her close, letting her cry into my shoulder. "He's gone." As the words fall from her lips, she starts crying even harder. I caress her hair, trying my very hardest to keep myself composed for her sake. I pick her up and stand up from the couch, nodding a subtle "thanks" to Shay as I walk back out the door.

**Up Next: Hermann and Shay's reaction towards Casey's death. Let me know who else you want to see reacting to his death and I'll also add their POV to the next chapter. Also, let me know if you have any ideas for this story, I'll definitely take them into consideration. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in awhile. I'll also be updating "Revenge" soon, but people seem to like this one a bit more so I decided to update this one first. I've read your reviews and it was hard for me to decide who else to put in this chapter besides Shay and Herrmann. I finally decided on doing Antonio's POV again, to see how his kids and wife react to his death. Thank you, Justicerocks, for that idea. :) I tried to put Cruz in this chapter, but I had a bad case of writer's block with him, so maybe I'll give him another try sometime in the future. Anyway, did you guys watch the new Chicago PD? I am totally loving this Kelly and Erin thing, but I know that it won't last because of her thing with Jay. Oh well, I'll enjoy it while it lasts. I also love Burgess and Ruzek, and that kiss was unexpected but I loved it. I hope he comes to his senses soon and breaks off his engagement with Wendy. Alright, I'm done with my mini-rant, here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy it. :)**

**Disclaimer: I sadly own nothing.**

**Herrmann and Cindy's home, Herrmann's POV:**

* * *

_The heat was hot and intense. I could feel it through my turnout gear, and I'm sure Casey could too. This fire had quickly spread all over the building, and the flames were covering walls and ceilings unlike anything I'd ever seen before. The two of us were on our way down the hallway to check another room when Boden's voice came crackling over Casey's radio._

_"Casey, you got one minute, I mean it!"_

_"Couple more rooms, Chief!," Casey replied back into the radio, staying low as I followed his lead. It only took about ten more seconds before Boden's voice filled our ears once again._

_"Alright, I'm calling it. Evacuate the building, evacuate the building right now."_

_"Copy," Casey replied, kneeling down and turning to me. "On our way." We share a quick nod before I turn towards the stairs again, Casey right behind me. The stairs creaked violently beneath us, and at this point I know we have to beat the clock or else we'd come down with the building. But I hadn't even made it halfway down the first set of stairs before I heard a faint voice. I didn't think anything of it until Casey tapped my shoulder and started to yell over the flames again._

_"Herrmann, Herrmann!," He shouts, getting my attention. I turn around to face him and follow him back up the stairs. Then I figure out what he's doing. He rushes over to a woman and kneels next to her, and I follow suit._

_"My baby!," The woman cries. "My baby, please help me. She's, she's in her crib. She's in the back bedroom."_

_"Take her," Casey tells me. "Get her out of here, I'm going after the baby."_

_"No Casey, you take her!" I yell to him, shaking my head. "Take her, I'll get the kid!"_

_"Herrmann!" He shouts boldly, looking me in the eye. "You have a family! Take her, I'll get the baby, that's an order!"_

_"Lieutenant!" I shout back, trying to argue with him further, but he's already disappeared into the smoke and flames. "Lieutenant no!" I shake my head and grab the woman's waist, trying to pick her up and get her out of here. "Come on, let's go!" I tell her, trying to fight off her struggling hands and feet. I finally manage to get a good hold on her, so I carefully make my way back down the stairs with the woman in my arms._

_The stairs are creaking even louder than before, and the flames have intensified greatly. A few times on my way down, I think the floor will collapse under my feet just as it did last year to Casey and I. But I'm not worried about my safety right now. My only goal is to get this woman out safely, and that's what I'll do. But I can't help but worry about Casey. We should have been out of this building five minutes ago. It could collapse any second. Fighting fires isn't a game, and firefighters aren't invincible, even the most courageous ones like Lieutenant Casey._

_About two minutes later I emerge from the flames with the woman still struggling against my grip. A couple of paramedics from ambulance 47 take her off of my hands, and I watch as she cries for her baby. I take my helmet and oxygen mask off and catch my breath._

_"You alright Herrmann?" Cruz asks, walking over to me with a bottle of water._

_"Yeah," I say, nodding as I take the water and pour it over my head. "Just waiting for Casey to get out of there safe and sound."_

_He nods and we both turn our attention back to the building. Dawson was pacing next to chief, trying to hold back her tears. I frown at the sight, and my eyes return back to the building. I could hear the baby's cries through Chief's radio, and I swallow nervously._

_"Casey, I need an update!" Chief shouts urgently into his radio, and I listen closely for Casey's reply._

_"Almost there!" Casey shouts back, and I stare at the front door of the building, hoping and praying that I would see him come out._

_But then I hear a crash from inside the structure. A dark cloud of smoke rushes outside to greet us, and some of us move our heads so the smoke doesn't get in our eyes._

_"Structural collapse!" Boden shouts in his radio, and he and the other guys, including myself, are already jumping into action. "Mayday! Help Casey, help Casey!" We hurriedly put our mask and helmets back on before sprinting into the building for Casey._

_"Copy," I hear main say back into the radio. "We have a structural collapse, firefighter down."_

_I'm greeted once again by the intense heat and flames, but ignore it, and follow Boden's lead, listening closely to Casey's PASS alarm. "Casey!" Boden shouts, finally spotting the Lieutenant pinned underneath a beam. "Casey, we got you." Boden tries to assure him, getting on the end of the beam. The rest of the guys and I spread out, all taking a section of the beam to lift. At first we all struggle, the weight of the beam too much for us. But our determination to keep Casey safe makes us dig our heels in, and just like that, we lift it enough to pull Casey out._

_"We got you, Casey!" Cruz shouts over the flames, as I help him drag Casey out from underneath the beam. Once we do, we return our attention back to the beam, making sure we put it down lightly. I turn back around to see Casey already out of sight again, and I run after him, the guys right behind me._

_Once back outside, I stand to the side and let Dawson work on him. Severide, Mills, and Otis also help her._

_I don't even know how to describe the scene. It's emotional. It's chaotic. It's depressing and it's everything in between. Our beloved, brave, sincere, and highly-respected Lieutenant Casey was unconscious with blood spilling down his temple. We were all secretly panicking. How could this happen? Is this real? Is he going to be alright? He has to be, right?_

_But of course, he wasn't._

* * *

I pull myself back from the last memory I had with Casey. I was the last person to hold a conversation with him...and I can't help but think what if I hadn't argued with him? I would have bought him a few more seconds, and he would still be here. I would see him next shift.

"Christopher, honey, I know what you're thinking." Cindy says from behind me, pulling me out of my thoughts. I had been on my way to our bedroom when I had suddenly relived the memory, and I had stopped in the middle of the hallway to let myself remember. Cindy had probably observed me for a few seconds before talking to me. "It wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done." I turn to her and shake my head, tears in my eyes.

"I could have done so much," I confess to her, feeling myself break down. She gives me a sad look before wrapping me in a tight and secure hug. I wrap my arms around her and allow myself to cry into her shoulder. The kids' voices went from loud to quiet when they hear my cries, and peer around the corner to see what was going on.

"Are you alright, Dad?" Lee Henry asks, walking towards me with his siblings in tow. I nod and pull away from Cindy, wiping my eyes.

"Yeah bud, I'm okay." I say, kneeling down to his height and trying my best to sound convincing.

"Did you lose another friend, daddy?" Luke asks, looking up at me with a pout. I nod sadly, more tears coming to my eyes.

"Yes, I did. Do you guys remember Matt from the barbeque last year?" I ask them as I feel Cindy squeeze my shoulder reassuringly.

"Yeah, he played soccer with us!" Luke says excitedly, smiling brightly.

"That's right, he did." I say sadly, looking down as I remember when Luke talked about Casey for weeks after the barbeque, wondering when he would get to see him again.

"He...he was my friend who passed away last night." I tell them, my voice cracking. Luke's smile fades and is instantly replaced by a frown. "But...Matt promised me he would come over and play football."

Lee Henry wraps his arm around his little brother, and together they both hug me. The two other kids join in, and I wrap my arms around all of them. "I love you guys, you know that, right?" I tell them. "Matt saved my life last night, just so I could be with you guys again. I'll never be able to thank him enough times." The kids tighten their grip on me, and I can hear Luke muffle his cries.

**Shay and Severide's apartment, Shay's POV:**

I wipe the counter quickly, making sure it's nice and clean. I had probably cleaned the counter a million times already, but I was desperate to get my mind off of Casey. I refused to think about him. I don't want to cry. I want to stay strong for Kelly and Gabby. I need to be their rock in this hard time. They were closest with him, and I have to be there for them. Just like I was there for Kelly when Andy died. Just like he and Gabs were there for me when Clarice broke my heart twice, and tried to be there for me when Daryl committed suicide.

"I think you've wiped the same spot a hundred times now," Severide's voice says from the top of the stairs. I jump, startled by his presence.

"I um, I didn't see you there," I say, putting the paper towel down. He slowly walks down the stairs, his bare shoulders sagging and his eyes red and irritated. He looks over at me from across the counter, giving me a somber look while he tries to pick out his words.

"Cleaning is your way to get your mind off of things...I get it." He starts, the tears visible in his eyes. "You did the same thing when Clarice moved back to New York. But Shay...I don't want you bottling up your emotions. Casey...Casey was a friend to all of us. It's okay to cry." We study each other until I can't take it anymore, so I look away and lean over the counter.

"But I want to be there for you and Gabby. I may have lost a friend..but you lost your brother and Gabs lost her other half." I say, turning back to face him.

"He was more than just a friend to you, he was everybody's brother, Shay. He treated everybody like family. We're all going through the same amount of pain, they're just different kinds of pain." I nod, accepting his words as he continues. "I learned a lot from Andy's death. I learned it's okay to be sad, it's okay to cry, and it's okay to miss him. But he would want us to move on at some point. I'm not saying we have to move on today, or next week, or even next month. But eventually, we have to get past this." He swallows a sob before adding, "We need to mourn him, but in a healthy way. We have to remember his jokes, his laugh, his sincerity, his bravery, his support for the people he loves…" I start to unintentionally tune his words out, suddenly caught up in a short, yet meaningful, memory of Casey.

* * *

_"What are you hiding over there, Shay?" Herrmann asks from across the common room, playing cards with Otis and Mouch as he looks over at me. I look up from my tablet, suddenly very annoyed. I've gotten this question about three times already today. Can't a girl have her privacy? The whole room is looking at me now, waiting for my answer. The only sound comes from Casey, putting down his crossword puzzle to listen to me. I stand up in one swift motion, pushing my chair behind me._

_"Alright, you guys want to know what I'm doing?" I ask them, not afraid to hide my annoyance. "I'm looking at possible fathers for my baby. That's right, I'm choosing a sperm donor. Before now, I was hiding it. But now I feel there is no need, so I am going to get back to looking at possible sperm. Please keep your rude judgements to yourself." I sigh heavily and sit back down, picking my tablet up again._

_The rest of the guys get back to doing what they were doing, acting as if I said nothing. But Casey stands up, walking towards me. I look up at him as he leans over the table and smiles at me._

_"I think that's great," He says sincerely, nodding._

_"Thanks Casey," I tell him appreciatively, nodding. He smiles and nods once more before walking towards his office. I already knew that Kelly supported me on my decision, but to hear it from somebody like Casey, meant a lot, and it secretly made my day._

* * *

"It just doesn't feel real, you know?" I admit as I feel my lip quiver. "I mean, just a day ago Gabby was telling me how much she enjoys being his girlfriend. And now...now what?"

Kelly doesn't say anything, he just moves around the counter and hugs me tightly. I accept his embrace, and hug him just as tight as we cry into each other.

**Antonio and Laura's house, Antonio's POV:**

It's been about a half hour since I arrived back home with my heartbroken sister in my arms, and the usual high energy of the house was replaced with a sad and depressing mood.

Gabby was in the guest bedroom, finally getting some sleep. I sit on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen. Laura comes up from behind me and wraps her arms around my neck, kissing the top of my head.

"Maybe some breakfast will make you feel better...want to give it a try?" She asks, resting her chin on the top of my head. I shake my head slowly, my eyes still trained on the TV.

"I'm not hungry...but thanks anyway." I sigh, closing my eyes as if the action would erase the events of last night.

"You can talk to me babe, you know that right? Matt was a great person, and he wouldn't want you to deny your own emotions." Laura says softly, moving her hands to my shoulders and starting to gently massage them. Opening my mouth to answer, I'm instantly cut off by Diego's voice from the bottom of the stairs.

"Mom, dad, who's crying in the guest bedroom?" He asks tiredly, rubbing his eyes. I stand up, walking towards him before kneeling down to his height.

"Your Aunt Gabby is in there." I tell him quietly, and he suddenly lifts his head in interest, waiting for me to elaborate. "Do you remember Matt from your trip to the firehouse with the school last month? He was Aunt Gabby's best friend, remember?"

"She told me he was her boyfriend," Eva says from the top of the stairs, walking down and stopping when she is standing next to Diego.

"Well, that's true too...but you guys remember him, right?" They both nod, waiting for me to continue. I take a deep breath, glancing at Laura real quick before turning back to the kids. "As you know, Matt has a very dangerous job. And late last night, he was hurt very badly, and he didn't survive." Both of their mouths drop, and Diego shakes his head.

"Dad...this isn't funny, stop kidding around." He says quietly.

"I wish I was making this up, kiddo." I say sadly, shaking my head. "But Matt is really gone...and Aunt Gabby is really sad. It's okay for us to grieve his loss, but we also need to be there for Aunt Gabby, okay? She'll probably be staying with us for awhile."

"Okay," Eva says softly, nodding a little as her eyes train on the floor. "I'll um..I'll go talk to her right now." She walks back up the stairs, and I look after her sadly.

"Are you alright dad?" Diego asks. "Weren't you really good friends with him? You talked about him a lot."

"Matt was a great friend," I nod, putting my hand on his shoulder as I nod. "But I'll be alright, I promise. Are you okay, bud?"

"Yeah...I think so. I didn't know him that well but I know you and Aunt Gabby liked him a lot, so he must have been quite a guy. He was really cool every time I talked to him, and he liked the Blackhawks, so that was definitely good.." He trails off, shuffling his feet as he sniffles.

"It's okay to be sad." I assure him, gently squeezing his shoulder. He hugs me tightly, and I wrap my arms around his small body.

"I don't like it when good people die, dad. Especially people that could have been my uncle."

I don't know what to say to him, so I just let him hold on to me as I allow myself to let tears fall down my face.

**A/N: I don't really know how I feel about this chapter. I don't think it's my best, but hopefully I'll make up for it in future chapters. Thank you to the people who have been reviewing, following, and favoriting this story, it means a lot! Also, I welcome constructive criticism, so if you have any, please share! :)**

**Up Next: Honestly, I'm kind of stuck. I'm thinking about adding POV's from Matt's family, but I'm also thinking of skipping a few days ahead to his wake. Help me out, guys, I love hearing your ideas and I really appreciate reviews. :) **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry this update took forever. I had a bad case of writer's block with this story, but thanks to Vsanson11, I'm back on track and should be adding new chapters regularly. As always, reviews mean the world to us writers so if you could leave one that'd be great. :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

**Firehouse 51, two days later:**

Otis stepped out of his SUV, throwing his duffel bag over his shoulder as he took a deep breath and locked the vehicle. He remained still, taking a minute to look at the firehouse that barely seemed recognizable.

A memorial had been set up for Casey in front of the building, and even if Otis didn't want to, he couldn't help but notice it was bigger than Andy Darden's memorial. Tears stung his eyes as he read the sign that had been hanging up, and from the conditions of it, he realized it must of been hanging there a couple of days now.

His eyes slowly traveled from the sign to the large memorial again, where a group of people were putting down flowers. He swallowed and took a step forward, walking towards the small crowd. He instantly recognized somebody...the burns covering her arms and shoulders were hard to miss.

"Sophie?," he wonders, his voice cracking, and he swallows again as an attempt to cover it up. The young girl turns towards him at the sound of her name, and Otis instantly notices her irritated and red eyes that also had bags under them as a result from lack of sleep.

"Brian...right? You worked under Lieutenant Casey?" She asks, and Otis nods in response. "I'm sorry for your loss, he was a great guy...he didn't deserve this."

Otis looks down as more tears sting his eyes and threaten to fall, not knowing what to say to Casey's young friend. He came over as an attempt to talk to her, to comfort her...and now he was the weak one. He shakes his head and kicks the ground, trying to find something to say to Sophie.

He hears more footsteps next to him so he looks up, spotting Mouch observing the memorial. He also noticed Sophie was walking back down the driveway, wiping her eyes as she made her way to her mother's car. Otis sighs before walking inside the firehouse...wanting to somehow get his mind off of Casey.

He entered the common room to find Herrmann sitting at the table alone, staring at the wall. Otis just gently claps his shoulder...not even attempting to try and comfort somebody else today when he still needed to be comforted himself.

"I shouldn't have gone to work today," Herrmann grumbled before Otis could make it out of the room.

Otis sighs and shakes his head, looking at his colleague. "None of should have...but the job doesn't wait for us."

Herrmann shakes his head and stands up, angrily kicking the chair he had been sitting in. Otis jumps a little, startled by the sudden outburst when Boden makes an appearance in the room. Herrmann, who had been about to say, or rather yell, something turns towards the chief and waits for him to talk.

"I'd like to meet everybody in the briefing room in five minutes," he tells us, and Otis nods before heading in the locker room to change.

Boden glances over at Herrmann, sighing a little. "If you need to blow off some steam, do it, just not here. If you're not ready to come back to work yet...then don't." He tells him calmly, but Herrmann just shakes his head.

"No way Chief...being at home isn't going to help me any, and I don't see you takin' a day off, so I'm not gonna either," Herrmann answers. "I need to get my mind off of everything, and the only thing that's gonna do that is work." Boden studies him before nodding a little, walking out of the room to gather everybody else up.

Almost ten minutes later, the briefing room was packed with everybody who decided they didn't need a day off. But instead of the high energy that usually made up the room, it was covered in a depressing silence. Boden opened the door, and the sudden noise made a few people flinch. He noticed the action and slowly closed it behind him before walking towards the front of the room. He took one big breath before addressing everybody.

"I'm sure all of you were hesitant to pick up your bags and come to work today...I know I was. But I want to start with getting the important stuff out of the way….Casey's wake is tomorrow after shift at noon. It will be held at the same place Andy Darden's was. It will be closed casket. His funeral is on Friday...four days away at two. Dress in your formal uniforms to both events. His funeral will be full honors, so we are going to do the exact same thing we did when Andy Darden died." He takes a deep breath, studying the faces of his men to find most of them looking down with tears fresh in their eyes. "We are going through something terrible right now and it is okay to be upset, angry, confused, conflicted…" He trails off as he sighs a little. "But the last thing I want all of you doing is bottling up your emotions. We've been through this when Andy Darden died, and we're going through it again, unfortunately. So take a day off...take off as many as you need. Shay, Dawson, and Severide did, so it's okay for you to do it as well. I can call in for some fill-ins, it's no problem. The last thing we need is any of you acting up on the job because your mind is somewhere else. So, please, if any of you feel like you need an extra few days to sort out your thoughts, take those extra days." He pauses, waiting for people to walk out if they needed another day off.

Mills is the first to stand, avoiding eye contact with everybody as he pushes past the door and out of the room. Otis follows a few seconds later, shaking his head as if he were battling against his own thoughts. Cruz watches as they leave, tears on the verge of falling from his eyes.

"Cruz…" Boden prompts softly, wanting to make sure the man knew it was okay to leave. But Cruz just shakes his head, looking at his chief determinedly.

"I'm stayin' Chief, I gotta, for Casey," he says, and even though his voice cracks from his emotions, Boden nods before looking at everybody else.

Nobody else makes a move to leave, so he takes a deep breath before speaking again. "As you may have figured out from the hospital, Matthew and Dawson were together, so she will need your support through this. Kelly was best friends with Matt, so you should also be there for him, even if he waves it off. Leslie was also close with Matt through the other two, so make sure you check in on her as well. You also need to be checking in on yourselves...don't let Matthew's untimely departure put a heavy weight on you. We can all get through this with each other's support, so just be there for each other, okay?"

Everybody nods slowly without much ambition, so sensing the end of the conversation, Boden sighs. "One more thing before you're all dismissed. Chout and McCauley are filling in for Shay and Dawson today," he says, motioning towards the two paramedics in the back of the room. Some people turn their heads towards them, not noticing the two of them when they entered. "Eric Whaley is filling in for Severide…" he motions towards the young man, who had also filled in for Severide when he was injured. "And we have yet to find a permanent Lieutenant on Truck 81, so for now, Herrmann will be acting Lieutenant."

"No way Chief," Herrmann says, shaking his head. "I ain't takin' Casey's spot, no way no how. That's his truck…" He trails off and shakes his head, looking down at his hands.

"Herrmann, Casey would want you to be in charge of it...he trusted you and if he had the choice, he would have made you permanent Lieutenant," Boden tells him, but Herrmann shakes his head, tears forming in his eyes.

"I'll be in charge of the truck for one shift, but that's it, Chief. That was Casey's spot and I can't take it…"

Boden nods slowly, understanding where his old friend was coming from. "Okay..that's all for now, you're all dismissed."

Slowly, everybody stands up and walks out the door, and Boden waits until everybody else is out before also leaving. He starts walking towards his office, but when he passes Casey's, he stops.

The blinds were drawn, so he couldn't see inside, so he slowly reached for the door handle. It wasn't locked, so he hesitantly pushed open the door. The hinges squeak quietly in response, and sighing softly, Boden stepped in the room. On Casey's desk, there was a box full of his stuff, and Boden figured he hadn't had time to unpack his things after they learned the house wouldn't be shutting down. He felt an urge to shuffle through the Lieutenant's belongings, just so he could somehow find a piece of him, but he also knew that Casey's things were his business only. There was, however, a picture on his desk that hadn't been packed yet, and Boden smiled slightly as he gently picked it up.

The picture was of Casey, Severide, and Darden at Buzzard's bar from what must have been about two years ago. Out of the three men in the photo...only one was still breathing, still alive, and the realization of it makes Boden shed more tears.

He purses his lips and tucks the picture under his arm, making sure he'd give it to Kelly when the timing was right. His eyes also catch a screwdriver and a package of nails on the desk, and Boden wondered what needed to be fixed by the handy Lieutenant. Then again, Casey also fiddled with a lot of things that didn't need to be improved or repaired, just because he loved using his tools whenever possible.

* * *

_Boden walked towards his office, nodding to Connie as he passed her. "Chief…" she started, and he stopped and turned towards her, waiting for her to continue. "Casey went into your office about twenty minutes ago carrying a toolbox. I asked him what he was doing and he said he had to fix something."_

_Boden raised his eyebrows at her, and she just shrugged, so he opened the door and walked into his office, wondering what the Lieutenant was up to. _

_When he spotted Matt underneath his desk, his confusion only grew. _

"_Hey Casey, you mind telling me what the hell you're doing under my desk?," Boden asked, looking down at the blonde man with a confused expression. Matt looked up at his Chief with a long nail in between his teeth while his hands continued to fiddle with something underneath the desk. He was on his knees, his body was halfway under his boss' desk, and he was surrounded by his tools and nails. _

_He took the nail out from between his teeth and dropped it with the rest of the nails before responding. "When I was in here last, I couldn't help but realize your desk squeaked when you put some extra weight on it. I just finished my paperwork from the last call, and I had nothing else to do, so I decided to come in here and fix the problem with your desk."_

_Boden studied Casey, and he couldn't help but chuckle. "Matt...there is nothing wrong with my desk. It's a bit old. It's gonna squeak no matter what you do."_

_Casey shook his head, smiling as he turned his attention back to the desk. "Just give me fifteen more minutes, Chief, then you'll never have to deal with a squeaky desk ever again."_

"_And what exactly are you doing to my desk?," Boden then asked curiously, bending down so he could see what Casey was trying to achieve._

"_Well like you said," Casey began, picking up a hammer and becoming focused once again in his task. "Your desk is old, so your nails and screws are also getting old. They can't support the frame of your desk as well as they used to, so they cause the whole structure to squeak when they are strained. If they get too worn out...they'll cause the whole desk to collapse." He pulls out a pencil from behind his ear and marks a small "x" on a part of the desk, afterwards putting the pencil between his teeth while he measured the distance from the "x" to the end of the desk. _

"_Doesn't it take a couple centuries before something like that happens?," Boden asked, glancing over at him with a small smile on his face. Casey shrugged, returning the grin as he looked at his boss. _

"_Well I figured it's better to be safe rather than sorry," he smirked, picking up a nail and placing it on the "x". "But don't worry Chief, I'm not gonna tear apart your desk. I'm just adding some extra 'back-up' nails. I'll be done soon, then you can have your desk back."_

_Boden chuckled, shaking his head at the Lieutenant. Normally, he would have been angry if he found somebody tampering with the construction of his desk. He was actually surprised why he didn't give Casey a lecture about why you shouldn't mess with his things and then kick him out afterwards. But it must've been the way Casey was so sure about what he was doing, or how he was so deeply fascinated by his own work, but Boden had no negative feelings towards him or what he was doing with his spare time. _

"_Alright, Casey, carry on," he said, standing up. "But next time you do something like this, inform me about it first, alright?"_

"_Yeah Chief, of course." Casey nodded, glancing up at him. "I figured if I told you about this, you'd say no."_

"_Well you were probably right," he replied, chuckling again as he watched Matt make another "x". _

_Casey measured another distance, and he was so concentrated about what he was doing, Boden couldn't help but smile as he left the room._

* * *

He now found himself sitting down in Casey's chair, his arms resting on his desk as he visited the memory. Sitting next to the box full of Casey's things, Boden saw a package of new door hinges. He immediately realized Casey had meant to fix that squeaky door of his, and when the tears started coming out of Boden's eyes, he couldn't stop them.

**A/N: So if you couldn't already tell, I am clearly not the "handy" type. So if there were any errors in that flashback, I apologize, because I can't build or repair anything to save my life. I understand that this chapter was shorter than the others, but don't worry, longer chapters are in the making. Anyway, I am also sorry for the sadness...and future sadness. Next chapter will be the wake, and we'll see everybody, including: Casey's mom, sister, niece, Gabby, Kelly, Shay, Boden, Voight, Kelly's dad, Vargas, Heather, the boys, etc. **

**Once again, reviews are lovely, even if it's a simple "nice chapter". But hey, longer reviews are also nice. :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Alright my readers, this chapter focuses on the wake. You'll be seeing some old faces. I've only been to two wakes in my life, one for a little boy and the other one for my great grandmother. The wake I went to for the little boy was the saddest thing ever, and it was also the most recent one I've been to. So everything in this chapter about the wake is from what I remember about one. And oddly enough, the little boy's name was Matthew...**

**Disclaimer: I own notta, although I wish I did.**

**Other: The flashback from this chapter is from the Pilot.**

**One day later at the wake:**

Kelly Severide's hands were shaky as he picks up the silver colored pen and writes down his name in the guest book. His name was sloppily written underneath his father's name, who had signed in after Shay.

The three of them had come in one vehicle, Katie was also with them, and the twenty minute ride was the quietest any of them had ever experienced before. Kelly had tried to keep his emotions in check in front of his father, but an occasional tear slipped his eye and it never once went unnoticed by Benny.

Severide feels a hand touch his shoulder gently, but he continues to stare at the names in the book, recognizing most of them, but some of them were new to him and he figured Matt had done a construction job for them in the past.

Names like "Jose Vargas", "Renee Whaley", "Elise Mills", "Hank &amp; Justin Voight", and "Renee Royce" stick out to him because he either hadn't seen them in a long time or didn't think they'd show up. Renee Royce was somebody he definitely didn't count on seeing today, but it only reminds him that Matt affected everybody he talked to.

The hand on Kelly's shoulder tightens slightly, but it was enough for Kelly to finally look up. His eyes meet Boden's, who is also dressed in his formal uniform. He tries to offer his Chief a smile, but Boden sees right through it. Instead of talking about his feelings, Kelly decides to walk away and join Shay, Katie, and his father again.

He stands behind them in line to say their final goodbye's to Matt, and takes a deep breath. He digs his hands in his pockets and looks ahead of the line, where he spots a Mahogany closed casket.

Kelly knew his best friend laid still and pale in the casket, and that was enough to bring more tears to his eyes. He looks past the casket and sees Matt's family in an organized line, all of their eyes red and irritated. Nancy was first in line, followed by Christie and her daughter and husband, and Gabby stood at the end in her uniform, her eyes trained on the floor.

Kelly swallows and looks back ahead, able to look over his father's head since he was quite taller than him. He could see the heads of Katie, Shay, Cruz, Otis, Vargas, but once Eric Whaley's head came into view, he couldn't see any further since Eric was a few inches taller.

So Kelly glances behind him, needing something to look at other than the big casket holding his blonde friend. Behind him stands Boden, who stands in front of Capp, Herrmann and his family, and another man Kelly didn't recognize.

The little Herrmann boys were all dressed the same, and if it were under different circumstances, Kelly would smile at how cute they looked.

He turns back around and takes another deep breath, reaching his hand up to wipe away a stray tear. He sniffles at the same time a man dressed like a priest comes into the room, carrying a Bible. He stands in the center of the big room to gain everybody's attention, and softly clears his throat before speaking.

"I welcome everybody here today to say our final goodbyes to Lieutenant Matthew Casey," he starts, and a few people shift uncomfortably, the words still sounding surreal when spoken out loud. "I did not know him personally, but by the amount of people who have shown up today, I think it's safe to say that he was a very beloved young man who left our lives far too soon. I also know that he left our lives a hero, a man who risked his life to save other's, and he was able to make one last save before he ascended into heaven." More people shift uncomfortably, followed by a few sniffles from across the room. "Whenever a loved one leaves our world, we must grieve but we also must remember how they touched our lives. We must remember Matthew by how he made us smile, how he lightened our moods, and how great of a friend, son, uncle, brother, and significant other he was." The priest pauses to look around the room, giving everybody a solemn and soft expression. "So now, let us pray for him. Let us pray that he is now in a better place, a more peaceful place, where he is content and fulfilled." He bows his head, and slowly, everybody follows suit.

A few seconds later, everybody lifts their heads, all of their eyes fresh with new tears. Kelly thought of the last time he had to pray for somebody like that, when Darden was killed in a fire. He and Casey had been at opposite sides of the room, angry with each other, blaming each other for their friend's death. Of course, Kelly was more aggressive with his blame, and didn't hide what he felt about the situation. Casey was more calm about what happened, drowning in his own guilt more than anything, but willing to get past it.

But it was Kelly who kept reminding him that if he hadn't put Darden through that window, he'd still be alive. Every time Casey was almost at peace with what happened, Kelly kept shoving him deeper into his guilt. Casey tried to deflect it, he tried to blame Kelly for what happened, but he started to believe he should have pulled Darden back from that window.

And now, thinking back on all of it now, Kelly hated himself for how it all went down. Months of tension followed Darden's death, and it was awhile before they got back how they used to be. Kelly knew he would literally give anything to get that time back with Casey.

He was so lost in his own thoughts, Kelly didn't even realize the priest had spoken a verse from the Bible until he closes the book, causing dust to fly off of the pages and float around the room.

The priest speaks more words that Kelly unintentionally blocks out, too lost in his own thoughts once again to focus on the stranger. He couldn't stop thinking about Casey and about his regrets he had with their friendship.

_Kelly jumped out of the back of his squad truck after taking off his diving gear. His shirt was off, and he was working on putting his watch back on when he saw Casey walk by. "Hey," he called, raising his eyebrows at the blonde Lieutenant. "Guy in the water? How about a guy with his head up his ass?" He motioned towards Mouch, who had made the bad call at the car accident they just responded to. _

_Casey was quick to go on defensive mode, obviously annoyed with Kelly's comment, especially since this wasn't the first time he's said something about Casey's men. "You handle your firefighters, I'll handle mine."_

"_That's a good theory Casey," Kelly responded instantly, their eyes locking and both showing nothing but anger. "How bout givin' it a try?"_

"_You know what," Casey replies, his voice level rising as he takes a few steps towards Kelly. "I'm gettin' real tired of your bull, Severide."_

"_I don't give a damn what you're tired of-"_

"_Hey!," Boden interrupted, both men turning their heads towards their Chief. He was at a punching bag, sweat caked on his skin with boxing gloves covering his hands. "I thought you all should know I am going to fight that dick Olmstead who slept with my wife in Saturday's drop-a-cop." He threw a couple of more punches before turning towards the Lieutenants again and speaking, this time his voice more authoritative. "Or we could all just throw the gloves on right now, beat the hell outta each other." The other men started surrounding them, listening to Boden and well aware of the tension surrounding Casey and Severide. "Maybe when the mayor comes on Saturday, that's what he sees. Truck versus Squad. All of us are CFD so deal with it." He pauses, studying the faces of everybody. When he speaks again, his voice is softer. "We all lost Darden, a month ago Friday, and that ain't changin'. So maybe we should." His eyes train on Casey and Severide, and both of them shift uncomfortably. _

_Kelly watches as Casey walks away, Boden's words replaying in both of their minds. Kelly wanted to make amends with Matt. He wanted to talk everything out with his old friend, but everytime he thought about doing it, Darden's face came to mind. He thought of Ben, Griffin, and Heather, and how Andy should be there now, with his family. He thought about Casey just allowing Darden to walk through that window, and then the flames swallowing their friend seconds later. _

_He couldn't forgive Casey for that. Maybe it was the drugs and painkillers he was on, or his stubbornness, or his pride, but Kelly just couldn't do it. He had so much other things going on in his life, it seemed like his friendship with Casey was the only thing he could control at this point. And it seemed like Casey was somebody Kelly could release all of his anger onto. His shoulder and neck injury, Darden's death, Shay's constant prying, everything was making him angry and whenever he fought with Casey, some of that anger was released. _

At the time, Severide thought Casey deserved all of his anger. He thought he deserved to feel guilty, and hell, in the heat of his anger, Severide thought Casey even deserved to go through that window himself.

Looking back on all of it now, Kelly shakes his head and looks down at the floor, ashamed with himself. His actions gain the attention of Boden, who was also lost in thought with memories of Casey.

A single tear rolls down Severide's face, and then another one, and he tries to keep up with them the best he could without letting too many people notice. So he focuses back on the priest's words, hoping the tears would stop themselves.

"...so now, let us walk around, let's say goodbye to Matthew, and offer our condolences to his family. And afterwards, let us bond with each other and do some reminiscing." The older-looking priest gives everybody one last, sad smile, then walks out of the room.

The line then starts to move, and the first person walks in front of Matt's casket.

Peter Mills.

The young candidate tries hard to keep himself together, but as he kneels down in front of the casket, he breaks down. His hand meets the wood and he bows his head, his other hand resting on his forehead. His mother and sister join him at his side, rubbing his back in a comforting way.

Severide couldn't watch. He looks away the minute Mills' sobs fill the silence of the room, his own tears clouding his vision.

Benny also shifts awkwardly, and feels his son do the same behind him. He didn't know Casey all that well - not as much as Kelly knew him, at least. But whenever he was around Matt, he couldn't help but smile and enjoy his presence. His positive attitude was contagious, as was his bright smile.

After a couple of minutes, Mills slowly gets up and walks towards Casey's family and Gabby, all who were crying just as Mills was seconds earlier. Elise and Ingrid follow behind, and Kelly watches as the three of them give their condolences, the line moving forward in the meantime.

Over the course of twenty minutes, the line continues to move steadily. Some people kneel in front of Matt's casket and pray, others let themselves cry, and others stay silent as they stare at the mahogany wood, not knowing what to say or do or still in denial.

When it comes time for Antonio to say his goodbye, he kneels down and lays one arm across the wood as his other arm dangles carelessly at his side. His family already said their goodbyes and they were now hugging Nancy, but Antonio didn't know what to do. He didn't know if he should pray or let his emotions get the best of him, but he did know Matt deserved better than just silence from him.

So he decides to pray, something he only does when he wants a miracle to happen. But right now, it seemed like the right thing to do.

Kelly watches from a few feet away as Antonio mumbles words, his voice cracking frequently.

He begins to prepare for his time in front of Matt, wondering what he would say to his blonde friend. One thing was for sure, is that his emotions would get the best of him. That was obvious already. He could barely keep himself composed in line, he knew it'd be a lost cause when it was his time to kneel down in front of Matt's casket.

Kelly watches as Antonio shakily stands up and walks towards Matt's family, giving Nancy a big hug as he tells her she had a great son. He then moves to Christie, doing the same. He bends down in front of Violet, giving her a gentle hug and also telling something to her quietly. He offers Jim a simple handshake and a soft clap of the shoulder. Next was Gabby. Gabby almost collapses into her brother's arms, sobbing uncontrollably, gripping onto his suit like there was nothing else left in the world.

The sight makes Kelly cringe, and he looks away from the scene. He notices Eric and Renee Whaley stand at the casket next, looking down at the wood with solemn expressions. They each say a soft prayer before following Antonio's path, and the line inches forward.

Soon, Kelly finds himself watching his father kneel down in front of Casey's casket. He shifts uneasily, knowing he was next, and not at all prepared for it. And to make matters worse, his father's time seemed to go by in two seconds.

Kelly swallows, and a hand on his shoulder reminds him that he could get through this. So he steps forward, and keeps walking until he meets the casket. He kneels down and stares at the mahogany, more tears clouding his vision. He slowly reaches his hand out, and his fingers softly brush the smooth wood.

Matt was only inches from him, pale and limp, and Kelly just could not get that out of his mind. The image stays put his head, and it was enough to make him lose it. All of the emotions of the past few days came down on him and he couldn't control it. He buries his head in his hands and lets it out, and at this point, he didn't care what other people thought of him because of it - not even his father or Boden.

He stays there and cries until he feels like there aren't any tears left. When he picks up his head again he can barely see clearly from the tears in his eyes. And for the third time that day, Boden softly places a hand on his shoulder. Kelly looks up at him and takes a deep breath, swallowing another sob.

Boden kneels down next to him and gently squeezes Severide's shoulder, both men turning their heads towards the casket again. "It's-it's not fair Chief…" Kelly trails off when his voice cracks, so he just shakes his head.

"I agree with you, but we have to get through it," Boden says quietly, turning his head towards the Squad Lieutenant again. "Matt would want us to. We both know that."

Kelly nods at his words, even though he disagreed with them. "I just don't know if I can do that right now," he admits, his irritated eyes meeting Boden's.

Severide's confession makes Boden's heart break, and he couldn't even find the right words to tell him to try and assure him that they would indeed get through this tragic event.

Both of their eyes travel back to the casket, Boden's hand still resting protectively on Severide's shoulder. "Come on," Boden says softly after another silent minute. "Let's keep the line moving and talk to Matt's family." He stands up slowly, Kelly reluctantly following suit.

"I'm gonna miss you buddy, and I ain't ever gonna forget you, you got that?," Severide speaks quietly to the casket, his hand resting on the top of it. Despite everything, Severide still hoped that he might get a response from Casey, but when silence followed his words, another tear rolls down his face. He swallows a cry and follows Boden towards Matt's family, trying to compose himself enough for them.

He instantly offers Nancy a hug which she greatly welcomes, and they cling onto each other tightly. "Matt was my best friend, he was one hell of a guy," Kelly murmurs, resulting in Nancy tightening her embrace which Kelly reciprocates.

After a few more seconds Kelly pulls away, and moves onto Christie, who he gives a soft hug to. "Thank you for being there for Matt when I wasn't." She tells him quietly, and Kelly nods.

"Of course," he says, offering her the smallest of smiles when he pulls away. He kneels down to Violet's level then, seeing so much of Casey in her it was unbelievable. If he hadn't known better, he would've thought that she was his daughter. "Hey Violet," Kelly begins softly. "I was friends with your Uncle Matt, and he told me so much about you."

"I miss him," Violet tells him, her voice so quiet Kelly has to slightly lean in closer to hear her better.

"Me too, but he's still with us. I bet he's watchin' over us right now," he says, smiling a little at the young blonde. She looks down at her feet and nods, and Kelly softly squeezes her shoulder before standing up to meet Christie's husband, Jim. They both shake hands, and only exchange a small smile before Kelly faces Gabby.

Gabby's eyes were beyond red, her makeup was a lost cause, and the bags under her eyes were much too obvious. Kelly didn't waste a second to pull her in for a hug, and they held each other tightly. "I don't know what I'm going to do without him, Severide," she cries, burying her head into his shoulder.

Kelly rubs her back, trying to find something reassuring to say, but thinking of nothing. "I...I don't know what I'm going to do, either, Gabby" he says honestly, more tears falling from his eyes. Gabby starts to sob into his shoulder, and it makes Kelly's heart break even more.

They hold onto each other until Herrmann shows up behind him in line, his large family clan following. Kelly gives Gabby one last, reassuring squeeze before he pulls away, then walks into the room where so many people already were. The majority of the people who came were done saying their goodbye to Matt, and hung around to chat with each other. He saw everybody from the Intelligence Unit in one corner, talking softly amongst themselves. His eyes then landed on everybody from the firehouse, taking up a large portion of the room, the group even including the Whaley twins and Jose Vargas.

Heather Darden was the next person to catch his eye. And she was talking to the one and only, and no longer pregnant, Renee Royce. He started walking towards the two of them, clearing his throat. Despite how things ended between them, there was no awkwardness between Kelly and Renee. They wouldn't make this event about them. This was about Matt. Nobody else.

Renee and Kelly exchanged a hug, and she offered her condolences to him before excusing herself and walking towards another group. Kelly turns towards Heather, and wastes no time before wrapping his arms around her.

"It doesn't seem real, does it?," she murmurs, her voice cracking. He shakes his head almost instantly.

"No, no it doesn't," he replies, pulling away from her hug. He looks around for Ben and Griffin, but there wasn't any sign of them. "Where are the boys?"

"They went to the bathroom real quick," she explains, looking down when a tear escapes her eye.

"How are they taking it?," Kelly asks, swallowing.

"Hard," Heather tells him, looking up again. "It's like Andy all over again, Kelly, and I don't know what to tell them. Everybody keeps disappearing from their lives..and I just..I don't know what to do." Her words almost ramble out, and Kelly could tell she was struggling not only with the boys' emotions, but also her own.

"Hey," he says softly. "They got through Andy's death, they'll get through Matt's as well. You gotta believe that. I'll talk to them, alright?"

Heather nods, wiping at her eyes. She was about to say something when the boys came back, their eyes lighting up just a little when they spot Kelly.

"Hey guys," Kelly greets, smiling a little at them and kneeling down to their height. "How bout we go for a walk?"

They both nod, and Kelly leads them towards the exit, keeping a close eye on them. The cold, winter air of Chicago meets them immediately, and Kelly took off his formal jacket. He places it on Ben's shoulders since he was the younger of the two brothers, and starts to walk down the sidewalk, burying his hands in his pockets.

"Where are we going?," Griffin asks quietly, looking up at Severide.

"I thought I would get you guys out of that room," Kelly responds, smiling slightly as he wraps his arm around Griffin's shoulders. "It's pretty depressing in there."

"It's depressing in there because Matt died," Ben says softly, looking down. Kelly wraps his other arm around his shoulders as well, frowning a bit and not knowing how to reply.

"How are you guys taking it?" He finally asks, looking between the two young Darden boys.

"I couldn't believe it at first," Griffin admits. "It didn't seem real. And then I just started to cry, and I couldn't stop, Kelly." His voice cracks, and leans in closer to Severide. Kelly stops walking and sits down on somebody's steps, the boys sitting on either side of him. He pulls the boys close to them, both of them crying into his shirt.

He lets them, rubbing both of their shoulders for comfort as he tries to stay strong in front of them. After a while, Griffin sits up and pulls something out of his pocket, gaining the attention on Kelly.

The sun reflected off of the badge Griffin held in his hands, and he twirls it around in his fingers. Kelly recognizes Matt's badge number on it, and he swallows.

"Matt gave this to me right before we left for Florida," Griffin says to Kelly, sniffling. "I carry his badge in one pocket and my dad's in the other."

Kelly pulls the boys even closer to him, Ben still crying as Griffin stares at the badge. "Matt and your father are always gonna be with you guys," Kelly tells them confidently, glancing at both of them. "They have physically left, but they're not ever going to leave completely."

"How do you know?," Ben asks him, sniffling.

"Because they're both way too stubborn," Kelly answers, managing a small smile just for the two of them.

**A/N: Yes, yes, I know it's sad, and depressing, but I'm going to do my best to give you guys a light at the end of the tunnel. No promises, though. I'm currently working on a new chapter for "The Unthinkable", and once I have that up, I'll start working on the next chapter for this story. It looks like I'm only going to have two chapters left of this, but I'm not completely sure of that. If you like reading sad Casey whump like this, I recommend reading "Lost my Soul" by Argallel. It's a great story and one of my favorites, even though it's as depressing as hell to read.**

**I would also love it if you guys could leave a review about what you thought of this chapter! I love hearing what you guys have to say about my writing and it really inspires me to write quicker! Thanks! **


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